


Druxy

by Davechicken



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-02-11
Packaged: 2018-05-19 18:09:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5976324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Davechicken/pseuds/Davechicken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something which looks good on the outside, but is actually rotten inside.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Druxy

It’s there, when no one else is looking. When he doesn’t _think_ anyone is looking. A slight shimmer in the air, a **falseness** to the truth. Such brightness. Such positivity. So happy a smile, so warm the eyes, so full a heart.

It’s a lie. Or… in part.

Ben hurts, when he looks at the other boy. It always hurts to look at him, and not just because of how _easy_ it is for Poe. Poe makes friends the minute he walks in the room. He has that way of making everyone feel _cared_ for. He has that way of making them feel ready to **open up**. He mirrors their body-language, nods, and murmurs, and pulls every last little thought from them with his affable charm. And it’s all unconscious.

That’s the _worst_ part.

Ben can get people to open up to him, too, but it’s different. He hears things, on the periphery of his focus. He hears the loudest thoughts they think, and he has to fight not to let them in. Has to fight, because his knowledge is _stolen_ , is taken without consent. It’s not like he **means it** , but it distresses people. They don’t like their dark secrets out in the open, just because there’s a willing receiver for their pain right at their elbow.

Poe… Poe’s method is kinder. He’s given the things that Ben takes. Poe makes people feel better by allowing them the space to open up. Ben just walks in, and fucks everything up.

But they’re all so busy telling Poe their problems that no one seems to notice _his_. Ben wonders if that’s the point. He wonders if Poe is so nice to everyone so they don’t really _look_ at him. They treat him as a mirror, or a chasm. Something to look at their agony in, or throw it into a yawning depth, to free themselves of their own pain. They feel better. Poe feels better, when it happens, too. Poe steps a bit lighter when he’s made someone else happy. And that’s okay.

Except it also isn’t, and Ben wants to scream at them all. They just _give and give and give_ their pain, and they never _take_ any back for themselves. Poe is hurting, deep down inside. He’s missing his mother so fiercely that he wonders if he cries himself to sleep at night. He’s missing something inside, something he’s trying to fill with everyone else in the world. He’s radiating such light, but it’s only because a part of his heart is broken clean open. 

Ben is so angry. He wishes people bothered to see through the mask Poe’s wearing. And more than that, he wishes he had Poe’s ability to make another feel better. If only Ben were more like Poe, he’d be able to go up and get him to tell him how he feels. He’d be able to get him to admit he misses her, admit he’s scared, admit he’s angry and alone. But he can’t. Ben can’t. He can’t get Poe to talk to him, and if he tells him he _knows_ , then Poe will just react like everyone else who Ben tries to help.

They’ll be angry, and disgusted, and afraid. Afraid of someone who can see so deeply into their hurt, without their permission. 

It’s not fair.

Poe needs his own Poe. Ben won’t ever be able to patch that thing inside of him. He just hopes that some day, someone manages to heal the hurt he’s hiding inside. 

He just knows it won’t ever be him.


End file.
